By Pattie
I have been asked to talk about an experience that I had in 2024 with my family. I had stopped talking to my mother years earlier for differing opinions over many things, but mostly religion and members of the LGBTQ+ community. At the time I was a year and a half into my transition and living my best life. My oldest sister and niece decided to trick me into talking to my mom by suddenly handing her the phone after telling her I had a cold to hide my now female voice. We had a pleasant conversation with her saying that I should take of my sore throat since I sounded like a woman.
Two days later I was contacted by my other older sister when she found out that I had talked to my mom. She got mad and told her that I had come out as gay and had a sex change to date men. When my mom confronted my oldest sister, she did little to stand up for me or correct anything. She showed her a picture of me and gave her my new legal name. On hearing and saying this my own mother instantly declared me dead. She now only had four children instead of five.
Upon finding this out I cut all communication with my family except my younger sister as I started spiraling. As part of the healing, I reverted to writing as a release to get my feelings out. I wrote a poem about what I was feeling and posted it to my mother.
You once held me as I cried.
You once rocked me in your arms and hummed
sweetly to me as I was sick and in pain.
You once ran to hold me after a long absence.
You once kissed my cheek so I knew at least one person in the world who loved me.
You once spoke words of support and concern.
You once loved me with the love only a mother
can give.
You now speak ill of me.
You now deny me and turn away.
You hate for the sake of hate.
Your love turned to disgust and disdain.
A mother’s love turned cold as she now declares
her child dead and lost.
Just because I choose to be me, I have lost the one who once held and loved me.
Members of my extended family contacted me as soon as they saw it, to make sure I was okay. They were appalled by her reaction to the news and my sister not correcting my other sister’s exaggeration.
I will not lie and say I recovered quickly because that is not true. It had hurt more than I had imagined.
It was not till the spring of 2025 that I finally talked to my immediate family again. My oldest sister contacted me and said my mother had started asking about me by my female name. I did not believe her at first. It was not till during a video call that my sister handed her phone to my mother that I started to believe her. As soon as she saw me, she smiled and said she missed me and commented I was pretty. We talked several times over the next couple of weeks to finally make peace. She now shows people my picture and says this is her pretty daughter.
I know how lucky I am in this compared to so many of my trans family. I do not boast about it, but feel pain for them for not having this level of acceptance from their family. No one should have to be rejected by the people who should love them the most just because they choose to live as their authentic selves.